Live to Seek, Seek to Live

A girl told me that you weren’t living if you weren’t spilling crumbs on the bed. She said so much to me in just one sentence. I found her declaration odd at first because I am always coming from a very perfectionist mode of thinking.

I am attracted to the macabre, the psychedelic, the strange, the mysterious, the mystical, the dark side of life. I don’t think perfect is attainable because the human mind cannot conceive of true perfection of life, but I do think it can get close. But the near perfect only exists within the contrast of the messy, the less than. But then everything becomes imperfection.

I seek to look at the world with wide eyes. If I happen to take the world a little too seriously, then so be it. If I want to write about the dark twists of humanity then aren’t I simply at a greater advantage of looking at the goodness in people as well? That’s why character driven shows are what people go crazy over. The only reason horror can exist and be written about is that such goodness exists to compare it by.

I can somehow dance into a room full of people sitting down watching and applauding me. I can only be more outgoing because I was shy. I can only be going to yoga regularly if there was a time I was not. Those comparisons mean nothing to somebody else, but everything to me.

So what does this have to do with spilling crumbs on the bed? Oh yeah. So if I know that I take life entirely too seriously and I acknowledge, embrace, and love that about myself and let it go then I wont have to be too serious about the fact that I’m too serious.. If you know what I mean.

I know affirmations and the law of attraction are really wonderful and a lot of people use them with great success, but sometimes I just don’t want to lie to myself. If I don’t feel magical and sparkling and cheerful then I’m not about to try to brainwash myself into anything. At the same time I know I can feel better sometimes if I just tell myself that I do. But no matter what, my depression is a part of me, and I’m not ready to get rid of it entirely.

The future is always subject to change. String theory must be about different universes on each string, because they overlap so, especially within dreams. I love dreaming though, and exploring the worlds in my soul. And it could be like a harp playing or something. The end result is the different vibration. Maybe I’m living in G and I dream about B flat.

Does anyone get what I’m talking about?

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