Now You’re Just Somebody That I Used To Know

Hanalei-Dreaming

Do you ever just have one of those dreams? Your ex/unrequited love/friend you’re secretly in love with and you star in The Relationship That Never Was? I don’t know if I am the only one, or if there are different variations of this type of dream, so I’ll go ahead and explain it from my experience.

To start, do me a favor and imagine, if you will, that one person that would drop everything for. Every one obviously has a different version of who this would be, and if you don’t have one then congratulations your life is great and I guess you don’t need me. For the rest of us hot messes out there, this could be a celebrity you want to bang, a teacher you once though was attractive, or even someone you’ve never encountered, but imagined as your ideal mate. These are the more enjoyable dreams, after which you wake up feeling refreshed and cheerful in a silly kind of way.

If you fell into the second group and thought about: a. an ex, b. an unrequited love (i.e. a friend with benefits), or c. someone who put you in the friend zone, then you’ll be able to commiserate with my first world problem of the day. But hey, at least we’re not sociopaths! (My apologies to anyone who is.)

Now, think about your ideal relationship with this person. What would you do with each other, given the chance? Where would you go? And most of all, how would you feel? Close your eyes, and think about this for about eight hours. Feel the touch of their skin, imagine the way they call you sweet names, even picture intimate conversations you might have. Fall in love (again). Then, open your eyes and go about your day.

Not that easy, huh? Assuming you just thought about it and didn’t actually do that, in which case that’s awesome that you don’t have anything to do/can lucid dream! In my case, these dreams happen every now and again, but last night’s was a doozy, let me tell you.

To the point where I woke up from the dream, went back to sleep, and still continued the same exact dream. This doesn’t happen to me often. I even went so far as to describe that first dream to someone else in the second dream, and then still sink back into it. Inception. Whoever planted that idea was a douche.

And this isn’t a case where we are still in the process of dragging it out. We dated, we (I) dragged it out as long as humanly possible, I had my grieving process, I thought the thing was over with!

Not so much, it turns out.

And then you wake up, finally, and everything just feels so different. You wake up, and you’re still too groggy with sleep to realize the fantastic, in-mad-love feeling you are experiencing is going to disappear as quickly as you look around and realize you’re still alone (again).

And there is nothing wrong with being single at all, in my opinion. It is always good to get to know yourself first before another, but jumping straight from that blissed out feeling to just another day in the life in a split second no less, kinda hurts. Even if it is someone completely random, or you do not know, it still sucks. And then if it’s someone you do know or did date, you have to spend the next day or two talking yourself out of contacting them, looking through old pictures and wondering what they’re doing for Valentine’s Day.

And you want to message them so bad, but you know it was just a dream, and you don’t want to fuck up whatever self-healing they’ve been doing in the mean time.

So, rather than make a mess of things again, I decided I would tell the internet instead. And I won’t screw around with the things I know I have no control over. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll dream about going to Hogwarts. But that might be worse.

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